There’s so much going on it’s crazy trouble all around.
I tell you something, I’m not gonna let it get me down.
I been going through some funky changes, changes are the same.
We like the joy but we can’t really stand the pain.
I’m just happy to see you and me back in stride again.
“Back in Stride” by Maze, featuring Frankie Beverly

Thank y’all for the emails and calls ta Mama T tryna find out where I been and why I ain’t posted nuthin in a while. I sho preciate it. Y’all heard dat old sayin, “God don’t like ugly”? Well, He must nota liked us laughin at Mama T for fallin cause y’all started fallin all ovah da place an sending y’all stories about yo tumbles. Some of dem been hilarious, but da Best (or worst depending on how you look at it) Fall of da Year award goes to TT Paula (white people, ghetto black people call dey aunties “TT” and I’m channelin my inner ghetto today 🙂 ).

Yep,  TT Paula fell hard. Mama T say TT Paula scairt of e’rythang. So, one day, like Tweety Bird, she tawt she taw a puddy cat. She did! She did tee a puddy cat—in da trash can. An da damn thing scairt her so bad, she tried to run but fell on her face, had ta get 7 stitches an scarred huself for life. I’on know bout y’all but I’m thinkin it must be sumthin in da Williams family jeans dat won’t let dem walk an chew gum at da same time.

Mama T: Genes

Whatever. Y’all cain’t just fall an get up like regula folk. Y’all gotta fall an get stitches or give yoself whiplash. Y’all pathetic. I’on know what TT Paula gonna do if she ever meet me. If a little puddy cat sent her to da hospital, she probly end up in a body cast after meetin me. SMH.

Well, TT Paula ain’t da only one dat fell. I fell too. Well, I ain’t actually fall as much as I miscalculated my leap. See what had happened was me an Mama T was walkin an tho she ain’t on drugs, I mean meds no mo, she was still movin kinda slow. We was walkin roun Ft. Monroe cos people don’t drive like dey crazy roun there an when we got to da rocks, I started pulling Mama T down.

She didn’t feel like fightin me so she slowly made her way down an when we got to the bottom, she let me off my leash so I could run around.          I ran down to da sand and turned round an came back and peeped a weasel stickin his head out of da rocks so I pounced. I started diggin through da rocks an Mama T started yellin at me ta stop. But I ain’t pay her no never mind an kept on diggin. Next thing I know, Mama T scream real loud. I turn to see her runnin (she must be feelin betta) but when I turned back ta da rocks ta finish diggin, this big azz boulder was comin at me. So I leapt. I almost cleared it but it hit my hind paw and when I tried ta land, I knocked my freakin knee outta place. WAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, Lawd. Da pain. 😥

Mama T gets ta me an instead of woo-woo-wooing like normal humans do when they see they canines injured, Mama T starts yellin and cussin at me. Talkin bout how she cain’t take me nowhere and how she’s getting sick of me always actin crazy. She say I’m costin her a grip an some other stuff but I tuned her out. After awhile I say, “Mama T, you gonna pick me up an get me outta her or what?” Her azz had da nerve ta say she read somewhere dat canines can get roun on 3 legs so I’d betta get my fat azz up an start walkin cos she wasn carryin my black an white azz all da way home. I was like, WTF. Here I am in pain an she treatin me like I’m some ninja. “I ain’t walkin nowhere so it was nice knowin ya, Mama T.”

Then I started doing what any good hound dog would do: I whined and cried. Eventually she picked me up an was cussin all da way up da rocks. I said, “Look, Mama T. You need to stop fussin an concentrate cos we both know balance ain’t yo forte. An if you fall on me, you’ll crush me worse dan any of dem rocks woulda.” She had da nerve ta say if I ain’t have my chip in my neck, she would leave my azz on da rocks. But since we was on da base, anybody find me probly have my chip removed to find out where I belong. Y’all see how she treat me?

Well, when we got to da top, Mama T had ta take a break cos she was tied. But befo she could put me down, somebody called her name an y’all ain’t gonna believe who it was. No, it wudn Ricardo Tubbs, the cop; it was Mr. Smiley, aka Silky Shirt Dude! He came swishin up to us in his 1980s sweat suit an I couldn hea a word he said. Sparks was flyin e’ry where an I was hopin he didn’t set hisself on fi-ya. Just cos somebody told him he look like Magnum P.I. wid a buzz cut don’t mean he gotta dress like him.

Anyway, Mama T musta heard what he was sayin cos she was talkin ta him as he walked up. He asked me in dat sexy foreign accent of hiz, “Princess Donna, how you feelin my dear?” But I winced. I ain’t want him touchin me cos I truly believe if I get too close to him his clothes gonna kill me. He ran an got his car, swishin all da way. I was glad it had rained cos if da grass was dry he’d a started a wildfire. We got in his clean car (he ain’ t got nuthin in dat car. Mama T go all kinds of stuff–tissue, lip balm, sunglasses, gloves, umbrellas, mints, maps, pens, paper, house shoes for drivin, a Bible, a book. Just junk an da only thing in Mr. Smiley’s car was us. I’on even know if he have a spare tire it was so empty) an he took us to da vet. Da vet say I had da doggy version of ACL an I had ta have my knee stabilized. Mama T say if I wudn so damn fat, dis might notta happened. I say if she wudn so damn fat, I wouldn know what fat look like.

So, I been laid up recuperatin an enjoyin being takin care of but Mama T starvin me and since I ain’t walkin an chasin animals in da yard, I ain’t eatin nuthin but what she give me. What happened to dem care packages y’all ‘sposed to send me? Mr. Smiley be bringin me treats but Mama T won’t give em to me an she be yellin at him for bringin dem. When she go to da bathroom or sumthin, Mr. Smiley try ta sneak me sumthin but only time I take it is when he have on regula clothes dat won’t cut me or burn me up. An believe me, dat ain’t dat often.

But I’m back in da game. Mama T took me to da beach ta see da sunrise dis mo’nin. An I’m ready to run long da fence wid Sadie an hump wid Chance so Ima get goin.

          I’m gonna try to keep it coming; things ain’t always smooth. But I’ll be alright as long as I can feel the groove. Somehow I know that I can make it. You to seem to like my style. Well don’t you worry; I’m gonna be around awhile.I’m just happy to see you and me back in stride again. “Back in Stride”

See ya when I see ya,
Donna