Even got the nerve to say you’re better than my momma’s
Cornbread and collard greens, yeah.
Cornbread and collard greens, yeah.
– Fantasia
Hey, y’all. Y’all ready for Thanksgivin? I know I am. Y’all know Mama T don’t like no turkey so we gonna have some duck and lamb. (Smack, smack, licking my lips. Drool…) Mama T invited some of da outta town folks she work wid ovah an she ain’t stop complaining bout how junky da house is an how she need ta unpack. SMH . . . Ain’t nobody tell her ta tryn be all B. Smith so she need ta stop her yackin. I sho hope dey’on eat bones cos dey gonna havta go if dey do. Mama T used ta be engaged ta dis fella and she say he used ta eat da chicken bones AN da apple core. An he wudn’t no bigger than her leg. Damn Kenyans. I hope we ain’t havin his kind ovah on Thursday. I ain’t got no time ta be fightin ovah my bones (tho Mama T don’t give me cooked bones; I havta sneak those).
I know one thang we ain’t havin: chitlins. Answer me dis: how y’all gonna talk about canines eatin poo when y’all eat it too? ^o) Don’t tryn act all innocent. Mama T done tol me how y’all take da pig intestine and squeeze da poo out, boil da intestine in some water, toss some hot sauce on it, den call it a dell . . . a della . . . fine food. Dat’s nasty, baby.
So, if canine put hot sauce on poo before we eat it, den dat be alright wid y’all? I’on care how much cleanin you do, you ain’t get it all. Mama T don’t eat no chitlins cos she say dey taste just like what dey is: poo wrapped in rubber. Y’all know y’all like it, but call it what it is. 😉 Own yo stuff but don’t judge me when y’all be my kinda people, even tho you tryna fake da funk. Umph . . . booshi . . . let me move on.
Now, for those of y’all who ain’t know what I be talkin bout sumtime, Ima bout ta skool ya. But first Mama T need ta skool me.
Mama T, why you call dis post a “primer”? What dat mean?
Mama T: A primer provides basic principles to understanding something. When I was growing up, we used to read primers in elementary school. The words on the page would be something like, “Look, Dick. Look, Jane. See Spot. Run, Dick. Run. Run. Run.” And that’s how we learned to read. So, this post is a primer to help people understand some of the things you address in your blog.
Say what na? . . . :s Frown . . . . You red dat when you was a kid? How in da world did you end up likin readin when you started off wid dat? Dat’s some bunk. Y’all humans sumthin else. Anyway, why you ain’t name da blog sumthin dat soun like sumthin I say? Like, “It’s a black thang. Lemme hep you undastan.” I’on know nuthin bout no primer and really don’t care ta see Dick run since you won’t let me chase him. :s
But movin right alon . . .
Have y’all seen dis video?
Y’all got a real black friend in Mama T, and y’all still don’t know what’s up? Cos y’all met Mama T on dat short bus, didn’t y’all? Uh huh, I know you did. Dat’s OK. Dis blog for all da white people, and Ms. Carolyn who sometimes be clueless too, who be readin da blog. If I leave anythang out, y’all let me know. BTW: if da words be dark/bold an undalined, dat mean you sposed ta click on it for more information. (Mama T got it right dis time.) Here we go.
- “Hey, hey, hey!” – Dwayne on “What’s Happening” used ta always enter a room wid dis greetin. You can check him out in dis clip. He ain’t sayin “Hey, hey, hey” but it’s funny tho.
- “You told Harpo to beat me?” – Ms. Sophia was gonna whoop Ms. Celie’s azz after Harpo tried ta beat her, but Harpo ain’t nevah gonna touch anotha woman again. And Ms. Celie ain’t nevah gonna tell nobody else ta beat Ms. Sophia. Uhn uhnnn . . . sho ain’t. From “The Color Purple”
- “What you talkin bout, Willis?” – from “Different Strokes.”
- “Till you do right by me, everything you even think about gonna fail.” – What is it wid black folk and “Da Color Purple”? Y’all sho be knowin how ta quote from dis movie, don’t y’all? Mama T watch it e’ry time it come on. I’on know why when she got da DVD. She tol me how she used ta have Cousin Lennie and Cousin Shon ovah when she lived in da Louie and e’rytime dey came ovah, dey would watch “Forrest Gump.” Lennie and Shon be protestin tho. I know how dey feel cos she always tryna get me to watch “Da God’s Must Be Crazy” an “Imitation of Life.” Thank da Lawd I got a doggy doe. OK, Forrest Gump ain’t no black movie an Mama T sumtime suspect, but it just goes ta show dat people an movies (an TV shows an songs an games an . . . well, you get da point). SMDH. Ms. Celie done had enuf.
- “I pity da fool.” – E’rybody know dis one, right? (Cept da person who asked bout it.) Gone, Mr. T, wid yo bad self. And he kinda cute in dis clip too, ain’t he? Who knew?
- “Elizabeth, I’m comin to join you, honey.” Fred Sanford
- “That’s nasty, baby.” Eddie Murphy “Delirious” back in da day when Mama T was in luv wid him. /:) raised eyebrow cos y’all know he suspect. Him an dat Johnny Gill. Not dat anything wrong with dat . . . Pause.
- Pause – brothas say dat so people won’t think dey gay when dey do or say sumthin suspect.
- “Woo woo woo” – Sinclair on “Living Single” used to say dis ta make people feel betta.
- Ashy – I tol y’all dat black people skin versatile. Sumtimes dey skin get dis white, crusty stuff on it dat’s called “ashy.” But it look like skin dandruff. Mama T spend way too much money on lotion so she don’t have it, ‘cept sumtimes when she wash her hands or use one of dem hand wipes but she keep lotion e’rywhere. She even wake up in da middle of da nite ta put lotion on her hands and feet if dey be dry. Tol y’all she special. Umm hmm. . .
- Ratchedness – ghetto; totally whack; out of control.
- Booty coolers – Big Mama Betty Jean used to tell Mama T dat her shorts was too short an Big Mama called dem booty coolers cos dey couldn do nuthin but cool Mama T’s booty since dey wasn coverin it. I’on know if dis a black thang or just a Big Mama thang but y’all axed so I’m tellin ya.
- I got my salad tossed – Uh . . . well er uh . . . see . . . ahem . . . Ima let Chris Rock splain dat ta y’all. All Ima say is Mr. Sandusky probly gonna be tossin a lotta salads if he go ta jail. His wife probly already tol him, “Don’t drop the soap!” cos den he gonna know how dat 10 year old boy felt.
- MWAH – kissing sound; SMH/SMDH – shaking my head; WTH/WTF – what the ___; GTFOOH – get da ___ out of hea; BTW – by the way; OAN – on another note; 😡 – angry; /:) – raised eyebrow; 😮 – surprised; :s – frown/confused; :p – tongue out; 8-|- eyes rolling; :’) – crying; (*-*) – wide-eyed stare; :$ – embarrassed; ^o) – sarcastic. OK, dese ain’t black but some of y’all still clueless.
- Suspect – sumthin be suspicious; in da closet; Uncle Tom/Aunt Thomasine, et cet ter ra.
- Azz – black people use “azz” ta emphasize stuff (black azz, triflin azz, punk azz, stupid azz, dumb azz, drunk azz, skank azz) et cet ter ra.
- B. Smith – da black and betta version of Martha Stewart.
- Wife-beater – well, y’all know what dis is since Mama T say dey tank tops for women, but I guess some of y’all still don’t know what dey is so check out dis fine specimen of a man. And those other men ain’t lookin too bad either, is dey, Mama T? Swirl, MWAH . . .
(*-*) I done fa got my train of thought . . . crickets, crickets, crickets . . . Oops, I’m havin a Rick Perry moment. Crickets, crickets, crickets . . . Or was it Herman Cain? . . . I got all dis stuff twirlin roun in my head. A fine man a do dat ta ya, won’t he?
19. Damn, Damn, DAMNNNNNNNNNN!!!!” – Florida Evans said dis on “Good Times” afta James funeral and dat’s how I feel right about now. I’on know if Ms. Florida was overcome wid grief or if she just realized dat after runnin off ta Mississippi and leavin her ta find a job dat James ain’t nevah comin back an her black azz be stuck in da ghetto . . . FO EVAH! Dat’s enuf ta make anybody say damn 3 times.
Mama T say I got da tention span of a nat (she got dat from Sheldon on “Big Bang Theory” an dat definitely ain’t no black show). Again, SUSPECT. /:)
Anyway, Ima go chew on dis bone a minute and try ta figa out what I was sposed ta be sayin an I’ll let y’all know in da next post. In da meantime, safe travels an y’all have a Happy Thanksgivin an don’t eat too much greens, dressin (dat’s stuffin, white people) an sweet potato pie cos den you get negroitis (or as other humans call it, trip hit da fan) an I be splainin dat ta people too.
Mama T: Tryptophan
8-| If y’all wanna know more bout what Thanksgivin be like for black folk, here ya go.
Peace and blessings,
Donna
Tragedies are common place.
All kinds of diseases people are slipping away.
The economy’s down.
People can’t get enough pay.
As for me, all I can say is thank You, Lord, for all You’ve done for me.
– Walter Hawkins
(Can y’all believe dis came out in da ‘80s?! I thought it just come out yesterday. RIP, Mr. Hawkins. RIP.)
aintthatabtch 
Nice blog! All the best to you!
Thank ya, ma’am. I’on think me an Mama T know you but I sho preciate you readin. (We’ll be checkn yo blog out too.) You probly think dis strange but if you knew me an Mama T, you’d say it’s pretty normal. Best ta you too.
Damn, Damn, Damn. Donna, I wish I had as much time as you to write these blogs. I’m coming to join you honey, this is the Big one., because I had no idea Mama T was ever engaged to a chicken bone eater. Smh. I pity the fool displaying his rachedness by wearing a wife beater this time of year. Its getting to cold for that. Talk to you later Donna.
It don’t take no time, Mr. D., specially since I ain’t writin. I jus tell Mama T what ta write. Yeah, Mama T been aroun da block. Guess dats why she had to take a 10 year hiatus. It was 75 degrees here on Wednesday so wife (and husband) beaters were rockin. But not as much as booty coolers. Take care.