Hey y’all,

I know dis sposed ta be da Q&A post but Mama T say she gotta organize da questions an my responses cos I’m all ovah da place an it’s a lota questions asking da same thang so y’all see it when y’all see it. But one of da repeat questions is bout all da dogs in da area an if I’m still bein attacked. Noped, not since Mama T pulled out her stun gun. I guess da word on da street is crazy black lady don’t play so y’all betta leave her boo alone.

But Smokey da Bear mus nota got da message cos one day when we walked past his house, he started huffin and puffin and actin all bad. At first I was skairt. I thought Mr. Ed was big but he really just tall. Smokey da Bear, now dat’s a big azz dog. He a mastiff an bout tall as Mr. Ed, but he look like he weigh 300 pounds. He must feel like he weigh it too cos when we past his house and didn’t pay no tention to him, his growl got louder an me an Mama T stopped to look at him and he looked like he was saying, “Now, y’all know my fat azz cain’t chase y’all so y’all just wait til I get ta ya.” Then he stolled ovah to day picket fence (who da hell got a picket fence wid dat big azz dog? Oh, some dumb azz humans. SMH), paused for a minute like he was catching his breath, pushed da fence and just walked right ovah it. But all dat work took too much outa him cos he had da nerve to sit his fat azz down in da middle of da street an cough! Me and Mama T looked at each other an started crackin up! My tongue was hanging out, “Hahahah!”  and Mama T was laughin hard too. Smokey didn’t look like he preciated dat so he got up and strolled ovah to Me and Mama T and barked real loud. An me an Mama T laughed harder. So he started whining, “Take me seriously, got dang on it!” Den Mama T started doin her Mr. Doolittle bit.

Mama T: Dr. Doolittle.

What? How come you ain’t say dat last time?

Mama T: You told me to stop correcting you but since you’ve made the same mistake twice, I couldn’t let it pass. 

Well, you coulda but you just gotta be you. So whatever. Do you, Mama T. Do you. Anyway, Mama T talkin to him an she say she sorry for laughin at him an she didn’t mean to hurt his feelins but if he want people to be fraid of him, he gotta loose some weight and exercise. Damn dog act like he understood Mama T cos he hung his head in shame . . . sat down . . . laid down on his side . . . den rolled ovah on his back so Mama T could give him a belly rub. It took him a good 3 minutes to roll his fat butt on his back. Me and Mama T was tryna hold da laughin in but he was pathetic. Den when he was on his back, Mama T said, “WTF?! Do I look like your human? You bettah get yo azz up outta da street.” But smokey just laid there so Mama T had to put on her gloves and give him a belly rub before he rolled ovah again. Mama T told him bye and we started to stroll away when we looked back, fat azz Smokey was still layin in da  middle of da street. An me and Mama T just shock our heads. Now when we walk by his house, he just nods cos he still fat an ain’t no sense in tryna scare us when he done rolled ovah fo Mama T. An his humans still ain’t fixed da gate. Guess dey know he ain’t goin no where wid out a oxygen tank. Mama T told me if I ain’t careful Ima be just like Smokey I done gained 20 pounds since she rescued me and Ima little pudgy sausage. Like Uncle Fredrick say, “It’s just good livin.” Umhmm . . .

Hangin wid Mama T done give me confidence. Today when we was walkin dis collie was sniffin in her yard and stopped to check us out. She came strollin over and Mama T said, “Hey, Lassetta. Girl, you lookin good.” An she rubbed up against Mama T next thang I know, I was channelin Taco and Cujoetta and I pounced on da dog. I was tearin her butt up before Mama T pulled me offa her. Mama T picked me up and started talkin all woo-woo-woo to Lasetta and Lasetta walked back to her porch wid her tailed tucked. But y’all ain’t gonna believe what Mama T did next. She carried me to da bench at da corner, put me cross her lap and gave me a SPANKIN! WTF?!?!? I ain’t no frackin human, Mama T. What da hell you doin? Y’all, my little rump was raw when she finished. People was lookin at us like we was crazy. Dis one man who apparently saw us when Smokey was actin all crazy told Mama T she some kinda special. He said he done seen a lot of things in his life but he ain’t never seen a human an her dog laughin an den da dog gettin a spankin. He was tryna take a pic of us an Mama T told him if he do she would sue his azz. Den he just shook his head an said, “Dis some crazy azz sh*t. Ima be watchin you.”  Mama T say, “I got yo crazy. Now keep steppin.” So, if y’all see us on Youtube, y’all know why.

I gotta go rub my butt. It’s still a little sore.

TTYL,
PD